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“Why won’t you stop?” my sister said, sending me down a rabbit trail of feelings about why taking a much needed break from work felt so scary. I couldn’t really answer in the moment. I babbled something about responsibilities and why it wasn’t that straightforward. But I went away and spent a long time reflecting before I could answer it honestly.
Months later I figured it out and it was further clarified by Sacred Rest, by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith. One quote in particular struck me:
“Rest requires submission of the soul, and the soul wants what the soul wants.”
She then describes how the products of our busyness often seduce us. This is the real reason we get stuck on the treadmill of an exhausting, restless life. They make us feel accomplished and impressive, or at the very least: valuable. All our work and responsibilities tend to merge with our identity. These external things seek to tell us who we are and what our worth is.
To me, this happens because our souls tend to crave self-worth and confirmation of our value, seeking out ways to attain praise, respect, and love to satisfy that craving. Sometimes, we’re just seeking a sense of security and safety. We seek successes that make the treadmill feel worth it. The elation of achievement swells within us, only to deflate in time and prompt us to begin the search for another affirming/securing high. The treadmill of effort that is powered by the lie that rest will bring an end to any value you bring.
Finding What My Soul Has Believed
My sister’s question sent me on the journey to figure out what my soul craves. What was the desire that kept me going and made stopping feel so deeply impossible?
My reluctance to rest was much deeper than a determination to keep on keeping on. I realized deep down, it was a belief I had about myself and my identity.
Let me explain.
While I have been a high achiever since secondary school, I’ve always been described as conscientious and hard-working, by teachers and those around me. But, I never heard others define me as naturally gifted or smart. Repeatedly, I read my reports from different subjects and began stitching together the common theme that would become a core belief: I just “really apply myself,” and am always “willing to put the work in.”
In real life, these were all intended as compliments, and are compliments! I am indeed conscientious; I work hard to understand something if that’s what it takes; I am not afraid of effort and have shown myself that if I work hard, I can, at the very least, improve.
But the devil works hard in the mind of a teenage girl, who just wants to be seen as smart and pretty.
Over time and repetition, these descriptors warped and mutated into an ugly core belief: “I am not intelligent, I’m not smart, I only made it this far because I’m hard-working.” In my edit of my story, I’d mastered the art of trying hard enough for it to pay off. From GCSEs to my PhD, I never reached a point of self-belief in my skill set and intelligence (I’m still working on this). Ultimately, I believed that as a hard-working person, my hard work got me to where I am.
This sounds harmless enough right, besides a bit of impostor syndrome? But it was the root of my inability to stop, despite doctors recommending a break for a while.
According to this version of events, I couldn’t afford to stop. To me, stopping would mean that it all fell apart. I had managed to spin multiple plates in the air for 8 years plus, so surely they would all smash if I stopped?!
I don’t think I’m alone in believing this lie. That the world will stop if we do. Or, even worse, the world will keep going and your fraudulent success will be found out once and for all! Shout out impostor syndrome, for keeping us grinding away!
Sacred Rest Reflections
Introducing us to the battle we go through to rest, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith completely broke me with the idea that rest requires a submission of the soul, rather than a submission TO the soul. It was a revelation to think that the impulse to keep going, actually comes from within me, as well as from pressures outside of me.
Achievements and accolades are the promised fruit of busyness, which makes rest feel like the pathway to failure and defeat. But in reality, forcing ourselves to keep going and deplete our resources without topping them back up again, is what ultimately leads to failure and defeat. And I mean a more important failure: failure to experience wholeness and a full life. The experience of working from a grounded and rested place. Instead, we experience the defeat of work over the parts of life that deserve your care and attention. This way of living drains you of any energy, patience, or enjoyment derived from spending time with loved ones or doing anything fun.
I can attest that: living this way makes you forget what fun even is.
And because you can’t remember fun, work HAS to be successful, for all these sacrifices to be worth it, so all you do is lean into overworking EVEN MORE. In this paradigm, rest sounds foolish. Yet, the real foolishness is trusting the shiny skin of the apples of your productivity, when the life at the core is entirely rotten.
Learning to Artfully Lay the Plates Down
I see the problems in all this so all clearly now, but the lie felt so rational, so straightforward, and so true.
I thought:
Why rest when it could put all your hard work at risk? Why rest when you have goals and things you want to achieve? Why rest when you’re good at what you do, or even enjoy it, or know it’s important?! Better yet: How can I rest when I feel called to this work?! Surely being hard-working and diligent is what God expects of me?
These questions dominated my life and behaviors for 8 years straight. Any time a doctor told me to rest, to manage chronic stress, or to make changes for the sake of my long-term health, all I could imagine was failure. I could only imagine my life becoming a room of smashed plates. All of which I would have to clean up if I didn’t keep up my spinning act.
I had created a clear chasmic dichotomy: rest OR work. The two, in my mind, were in complete opposition to one another, making both a zero-sum game. This is evident in the spinning plates image, right? Indeed if you are spinning multiple plates on sticks, then suddenly stop, each and every one will come tumbling down within seconds.
But they don’t have to.
When circus acts perform this, they skillfully cease by catching each plate and setting it down one at a time. Stopping takes just as much grace and discipline as spinning. So they practice ending as much as they practice starting and keeping the plates spinning.
I think rest takes just as much grace and discipline.
Rest is a Beat in a Rhythm
As Dr. Dalton-Smith explains in Sacred Rest, rest is not just stopping randomly. It’s a beat in the rhythm of a whole life, balanced between rest and work. Rest is a VITAL ACTIVITY that enables us to keep doing all the things we are called to, deem important, and simply love doing.
The plates only smash if we’re forced to stop.
But when we submit our souls to our finite humanity, learning to lay our spinning plates down artfully, they don’t smash. And they can be picked up again with ease.
So, I’d recommend truly interrogating your rest habits, or lack thereof. What is your soul searching for or believing? Then we can begin learning the truth about rest, and make space for it in ways that make our lives whole and sustainable.
Scriptural Meditations
Psalm 23
1The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Matthew 11: 28 – 30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”